30 days to 40

 *30 days to 40*

So I had all these dreams, ideas and plans for my 40th birthday and at the beginning of this year it still seemed like a possibility. But, in the current scenario, it's a far fetched dream.

To begin with, I'm nowhere close to my goal weight I wanted to be. I won't get a chance to be with friends and family as I'd hoped to be.I won't be able to travel with my family because this Covid damn monster is getting scarier by the day!All you can really pray for at the moment is that your loved ones and you stay safe through this turmoil!

Besides that ,I thought it's been really long that I actually sat down and wrote something.This seemed like a perfect time to collect my scattered thoughts of the past few months and pour them out here.I'm thinking aloud,introspecting aloud and sharing "a lot more" here, than I have ever done before!

I always thought I wouldn't talk about my anxiety and depression issues because some how this is the time every second person is getting it and thankfully enough is talking about it.Why thankfully? Well,because this is something that needs to be shared!Shared with a few people who want to hear u out.Sharing  about your issues doesn't make you attention or sympathy seeker,it doesn't associate a taboo against your name.What it really does is,it lightens your heart and sort of reduces the load off your chest.

So,here I talk, just a little talk about what has kept me coming and going so erratically from social media.Till a month ago,most of the days I used to go for my walks regularly,workout at home and eat a healthy diet. But, past 15-20 days I've been a lazy slop who drags herself out of bed to do the daily chores and handle the kitchen. Anxiety and depression has got the better of me.It had got way better in between but ,the stressful time which started since the second covid wave has made it worse (like it has for many others.)

I'd been practicing gratitude on a daily basis ,but,that's come to a stand still.I don't feel like doing anything most days.I don't binge watch Netflix or watch too many movies( watching television is out of the question),I've not been reading as much as I used to.Infact,I'd even started a book club for my son and few of his friends.I haven't been painting or sketching either .Most of the days (and nights)I do nothing but ,surf the net for baking videos.That's "the one thing"that  has kept me going during this tough phase.Having to cater to my elder one's studies for exams and youngers one's endless school worksheets and projects made it mentally and physically exhausting .I'm so much at peace today since,it was my elder one's last exam and my little one's last day of school too.

I recently started baking professionally since November but,I've not had a chance since after December to even advertise for myself.I have some wonderful friends who are super encouraging and order regularly and keep me on my toes.Had it not been for them,I would have never pushed my limits to even start this, let alone pursue it as a passion.Now ,this ,besides my kids is what makes me look forward to my day.

But,I've no complaints,I'm happy. Happy to be alive, to be with my loved ones and have a roof over my head and eat good food (made by me ;-) and sometimes even my friends) and just be able to live and breathe.Of course I want to read more books,bake more ,paint more ,play with my kids more and cook newer dishes too ,but,I'm taking it one day at time. I'm eating, praying and loving as one famous book and movie asks u to ;-)

Oh yes,and I'm finally writing today and this has really made me very very happy too.😁💞

I will be sharing a thread in continuation to this on "29 days to 40 -- a few people who have added value to 40 years of my existence."

Watch this space for more . ❤️☺️

Much love and light to everyone reading it.Prayers for all those on the path of recovery and healing to all those who are in need for it.

Love forever.