I used to always wonder whether it’s with particular people or does marriage really change things in one’s life. Well 3 months have passed by since my wedding and I’ve got to admit that there is a lot that has changed and yet there is so much that just seems to lay quiescent the way it was!
Some of the things that change for “most” of us women:
It takes time to sink in – you don’t feel married (except for the fact that, some of us spend more time in the kitchen and running around to beautify the new “home.” ;-))
Your social life-we tend to get too busy to meet and catch up with our own friends. We don’t talk and meet our friends as often as we used to ,that’s likely to be replaced by relatives now. (Though I’m consciously and gradually balancing out and making space for all of this together.)
Patience-You either become too patient or the opposite-In my case, I have become patient, hell yes, I have!!!!I know a lot of my close friends reading this would be rolling on the floor and laughing as I say this but, guys it’s true and you’ll witness this side of me soon too...;-)
Your weight-I have become fat as hell...5kgs in 3 months!!! Yes, go ahead n laugh..but, this is the wedding weight guys.They say people who put this on are happy in their marriage,marital bliss,aha!!! :-P But, now I’m on the track to lose it...(Story of most women’s lives, sigh!)
Your dependence-I hate to say this but, suddenly even in my case, I have become too dependent on my poor husband. I’d be driving around the whole city earlier and now either I go with him or my nieces or I’m confined to my home! Bad bad habit, one should not lose their zest to go out and be with themselves...Again, work in progress on this one!
The new learning one gets-First of course is cooking some yummy delicacies..I’ve seen most women around me experimenting and learning good food after marriage. Second is, balancing and respecting relations. I used to always think I value relationships and friends a lot but, coming to this family made me realise what that truly means! I’ve started valuing not only my friends & family but, even strangers on the road much more than I used to.
Keeping quiet-this is another thing one learns. In situations where you have arguments/disagreements, or when someone says or does something unpleasant to you,I've learnt from experience that keeping quiet is the best tool!Very hard, but, the best choice in such time!(You can vent it out on or in front of your husband later);-)
Waiting-This one is definitely not for all, but, just a few. When he is away, you count every second that brings him back to you.(I do ;-))
More responsibilities-earlier it was setting just your own wardrobe, now, it’s not just picking up his wet towel from the bed but, also his boxers from the floor and arranging the closet, while he takes out 1 t-shirt and spoils the heap of 5 more below it...
Adjusting to each others’ time tables and routines-I had a friend whose husband to be was a fitness freak and she was a lazy bum (I know she’s also reading this ;-)) and while I hoped her husband will make her a fitness freak, sadly so, she made him a bum!!!So either you start waking up late or they start waking up early and trust me the latter, seldom happens!
Your name changes....(in most cases)-now a days it’s fashionable to suffix the partner’s surname to your entire name but, in my case, and willingly so,I changed my entire name.(I was one of the privileged few who got to choose my new name)I love Anjali and I’m trying to love Inaaya as much now!
To all those people who cringe and make faces and talk behind my back ,about me having changed my name and religion, well, would it be the same if I had converted to Buddhism instead of Islam. Am sure not, because most people consider Buddhism is “cool” and an “in thing!” Well, I don’t do things which are cool, I do thing which I believe in and for me, opting for Islam was one such! Again, that doesn’t change who I am!
Okay,the last two are given to me by my friend-One being our dressing-you either go traditional or go western, I know people who were in strict families and having got married to modern husbands they are now full swing in minis and dresses and the works! And I’ve had friends who’ve been too modern, now just in their jeans or suits...Thankfully, mine is well balanced out!!!;-)
Your choice of restraunts and food- some husbands are stuck on Chinese, some on Thai and the others on tandoori/mughlai! Again, balance in this, does me a lotta good!Though I have to admit my husband has a soft corner for his miyaan bhai bangalori cuisine!!!;-)
You become carefree-this is in case if you were dating.Whether it’s about reaching home in time, not waking up early the next morning or being spotted by someone who didn’t know about you two! Well...these things become passé!
There are zillion other things that change but,that might make a nice book for a read. For the blog I guess this suffices!
Things that don’t change and rather shouldn’t change:
The essence of who you are and what you are made of and your love for each other and the ones’ around you be it friends or families!
Some of the things that change for “most” of us women:
It takes time to sink in – you don’t feel married (except for the fact that, some of us spend more time in the kitchen and running around to beautify the new “home.” ;-))
Your social life-we tend to get too busy to meet and catch up with our own friends. We don’t talk and meet our friends as often as we used to ,that’s likely to be replaced by relatives now. (Though I’m consciously and gradually balancing out and making space for all of this together.)
Patience-You either become too patient or the opposite-In my case, I have become patient, hell yes, I have!!!!I know a lot of my close friends reading this would be rolling on the floor and laughing as I say this but, guys it’s true and you’ll witness this side of me soon too...;-)
Your weight-I have become fat as hell...5kgs in 3 months!!! Yes, go ahead n laugh..but, this is the wedding weight guys.They say people who put this on are happy in their marriage,marital bliss,aha!!! :-P But, now I’m on the track to lose it...(Story of most women’s lives, sigh!)
Your dependence-I hate to say this but, suddenly even in my case, I have become too dependent on my poor husband. I’d be driving around the whole city earlier and now either I go with him or my nieces or I’m confined to my home! Bad bad habit, one should not lose their zest to go out and be with themselves...Again, work in progress on this one!
The new learning one gets-First of course is cooking some yummy delicacies..I’ve seen most women around me experimenting and learning good food after marriage. Second is, balancing and respecting relations. I used to always think I value relationships and friends a lot but, coming to this family made me realise what that truly means! I’ve started valuing not only my friends & family but, even strangers on the road much more than I used to.
Keeping quiet-this is another thing one learns. In situations where you have arguments/disagreements, or when someone says or does something unpleasant to you,I've learnt from experience that keeping quiet is the best tool!Very hard, but, the best choice in such time!(You can vent it out on or in front of your husband later);-)
Waiting-This one is definitely not for all, but, just a few. When he is away, you count every second that brings him back to you.(I do ;-))
More responsibilities-earlier it was setting just your own wardrobe, now, it’s not just picking up his wet towel from the bed but, also his boxers from the floor and arranging the closet, while he takes out 1 t-shirt and spoils the heap of 5 more below it...
Adjusting to each others’ time tables and routines-I had a friend whose husband to be was a fitness freak and she was a lazy bum (I know she’s also reading this ;-)) and while I hoped her husband will make her a fitness freak, sadly so, she made him a bum!!!So either you start waking up late or they start waking up early and trust me the latter, seldom happens!
Your name changes....(in most cases)-now a days it’s fashionable to suffix the partner’s surname to your entire name but, in my case, and willingly so,I changed my entire name.(I was one of the privileged few who got to choose my new name)I love Anjali and I’m trying to love Inaaya as much now!
To all those people who cringe and make faces and talk behind my back ,about me having changed my name and religion, well, would it be the same if I had converted to Buddhism instead of Islam. Am sure not, because most people consider Buddhism is “cool” and an “in thing!” Well, I don’t do things which are cool, I do thing which I believe in and for me, opting for Islam was one such! Again, that doesn’t change who I am!
Okay,the last two are given to me by my friend-One being our dressing-you either go traditional or go western, I know people who were in strict families and having got married to modern husbands they are now full swing in minis and dresses and the works! And I’ve had friends who’ve been too modern, now just in their jeans or suits...Thankfully, mine is well balanced out!!!;-)
Your choice of restraunts and food- some husbands are stuck on Chinese, some on Thai and the others on tandoori/mughlai! Again, balance in this, does me a lotta good!Though I have to admit my husband has a soft corner for his miyaan bhai bangalori cuisine!!!;-)
You become carefree-this is in case if you were dating.Whether it’s about reaching home in time, not waking up early the next morning or being spotted by someone who didn’t know about you two! Well...these things become passé!
There are zillion other things that change but,that might make a nice book for a read. For the blog I guess this suffices!
Things that don’t change and rather shouldn’t change:
The essence of who you are and what you are made of and your love for each other and the ones’ around you be it friends or families!
Just read your Blog....beautifully and simply put!!Essence of Marriage:)
ReplyDeleteThe only thing which I want to share with you out of my experience,is the perpetual calmness which it brings in the form of emotional security and you thrive in it!!(just like an anchor to the boat)..Not that it is absent when u r dating,but this is different. Again this is for people who r in a good marriage :)and I am sure u r in one of those good marriages just like I am....ALL THE BEST HON!..Very Nice BLOG!...
Hey sweetie... Loved ur blog!!! So much changes after marriage but soon and we dont even realise when this becomes our life and our lifestyle!!! Thank u for ur sweet reference to me... ;))) Ya if anyone is guessing im the lazy bum!!!
ReplyDelete@Abhilasha-thanks so much for liking it and taking out time to read :))) I couldn't agree more on the calmness & security part..so very true on that...thankfully so,so far,I feel blessed by god's grace...:)
ReplyDelete@Shrutta-lol...my bum!!!mwaahhh :-* and guys shes gradually getting into fitness now ;))