The Sinking feeling

As the days to my wedding are nearing, I’m growing more and more restless...Have this crazy sinking feeling and head blaring confusions, “Run away bride” type feelings (despite being with the love of my life).Numerous questions passing my mind with each passing day, even while I’m running around from one errand to the other. What if-s and may b-s are giving me sleepless nights and the only 2-3 people who can understand this are not with me...My sister and my 2 best friends.

I wonder does this happen to every bride to be or just a few crazy ones like me? Then I think may be most have these “wedding blues” or “wedding dilemmas.” It could be men or women. Earlier I used to think why would somebody have these silly feelings? Having said that, only people in the said situation know “why” they do!

After my experience I swore never to judge anybody basis these feelings! They are absolutely normal and essential to check the strength of a relationship .As one of my new friend puts it, this pre wedding month is a make or break month for everyone! And I couldn’t agree more.

As I sit down watching the lovely rain from my apartment next to the hills and sipping a hot cup of chai, I’m just forced to think about how every woman must be feeling when they’d be entering a new home. Leaving your own comfort zone, leaving your dreams/or altering them to suit your man’s, entering a new family, a new house where you’ll need to find time to make your own space. Living alone in Mumbai, I have ample “my time” to myself like most other women would have! Eat, sleep, and go out at my own whims. Dress up or be shabby when I fancy! Gosh, all of this is about to change!

But, then I look at the positive side. Being with the man I love, eating his head rather than my laptop’s ;-) Practising some culinary skills at him ;-) Planning not just our vacations but, also a normal day and budgets with him! A whole lot of other interesting things this space might fall short for!!!Ladies, be assured you have a lot of positives to look fwd to...

There are arranged marriages, there are love marriages, and then there are arranged marriages which give you time to love and accustom yourself to your partners and well then you also have some forced marriages.

In most marriages though a woman has to leave her home and go to a new house. It’s always more an adjustment for a girl than the boy. Of course marriage is a union not just of 2 individuals but 2 families so both the husband wife are to get used to or try and be nice to each others’ families.

In an ideal world, a woman would expect that as she’s going with an open mind to embrace everyone as her “own” (because that’s what is taught to her that the husband’s home is her new home); more often than not it is quite a mammoth task!

Have seen it with friends, colleagues and others...There is somebody out there so possessive of the man that they consider you as a threat to their bonding. No matter how hard the girl tries the efforts of bonding with the new family go in vain. I have this friend for instance, whose mother in law is a drama queen unlike any even in the tele soaps that you watch. When she’s unwell and is resting, if you go and ask her whether she wants to eat she yells and cries that the daughter-in-law is inconsiderate and doesn’t want her to rest and wants her to die and if you don’t go (fearing this reaction) she’ll say the daughter-in-law is selfish and doesn’t want to feed her and wants her to die of hunger!!!Where does the poor daughter-in-law go from here & what does she do? She just bears it all coz she wants the family together. The only person she can crib or discuss this with is her husband. If the husband understands and asks her to ignore knowing his mother is at fault it’s still half a respite,but,there are husbands who worship their family and would totally ignore the wives pleas unattended and let her cry alone for what she has landed herself into!

Then there are others in the family who you’d expect you to welcome you with open arms and all you sense is a hostile air and environment. How long and how far should you try to be nice if somebody isn’t acknowledging your efforts? Well, as far as your patience takes you. Go with least expectations. Nobody would be your friend instantly. Give it time if it happens good enough, if not, well good even then-may be it wasn’t to be!


Of course there’ll be hard days and of course there’ll be disagreements but, one should not give up nor lose faith. I’ve always maintained that every decision in life has its pros and cons...Sometimes the pros weigh more, sometimes the cons... Not every situation you get yourself into would please you. Just be patient with it and persistent.

Sometimes there’ll be happy days, sometimes sad...Some people will love you and yet others won’t..No matter how hard you try and please them, their rigid notions and mindset won’t change their thinking. Some will pretend to like you but, they won’t. Let them be and accept them for their attitude. Ignorance in such cases comes handy! A bit difficult to implement but, worth a try. You don’t have to be liked by everyone and you don’t have to like everyone all the same. There’ll be some you like more than the others, but, again don’t expect them to like you much the same! Take it all as it comes (if and when it comes)

They say, “The folks you help won't remember it and the folks you hurt won't ever forget it.” Try your best to not hurt anybody coz they’ll be revengeful and bitter for the rest of your life.

Some people are blessed to have great in laws who’ll treat them like God sent for just them and their family. I don’t know how many of them stay like that till the end...Well I know just a handful(barely)But, don’t look at the perfect ones and brood for yourself, see how you can make yours’ a happy family! It’s easier said than done but, heck both parties should try! There are millions of issues in the world to be addressed-poverty,diseases,hurricanes,floods,rains,corruption (thanks to Anna Hazare this would now be taken care of a bit ;-)) Why make family issues a big deal and add to the tensions of the world! ?They are all solveable,aren’t they!?

I read somewhere :
"Chase a dream, walk along a stream, laugh out loud, whistle a tune, whisper a promise, cherish a memory, lend a helping hand, wipe a tear, never fear- Live life!!!"
So enjoy it while it lasts and make the most of it!

And to end it I’d add a very famous quote by Alexandar pope's -

"How happy is d blameless vestal's lot!
The world forgetting by d world forgot.Eternal sunshine of d spotless mind.Each prayer accepted n each wish resign'd."

Signing off till after my wedding and hoping I’m embraced with open arms in my new “home” wishing love and luck to everyone who reads this and keep me in your prayers from here on, if you please!:-)