I find it amusing how in a relationships and even friendships how people start behaving as if they own the other person.
Have been noticing some abhorrent trends for the same.
Take for instance, a new friend you make. They ask you to meet them for coffee or generally when you already have plans or you are preoccupied or plain-you are just not in the mood. You tell them so and are slapped back with “stop behaving so pricey” hello?? I could have my own plans or I could be busy or not in the mood for it....that doesn’t really make me pricey. Surprisingly my friends from the bank or other industries understand these but from our industry- Ah! I better watch my back.... Then you are invited last minute for a party or a dinner and you have your friends over and you can’t make it...that makes you an excusist...(that’s what I was termed) and I ended up having one of the worst arguments with that fellow.
I mean how dare you have the guts to call me names or anything else just coz I’m unable to make it for “your” social dos. You don’t own me...nor are you my boy friend to expect me to be present where ever you want me to be! You could be at an eminent position where u r working but that doesn’t give you the authority to own me. Nobody can own me coz I don’t want to own anybody too!
When I invite people for dinners at my house, I don’t hold a grudge against them if they can’t make it. Nor do I get nasty coaxing them to come. You invite, call once again at the most and follow up. If the person can’t make it – alright..what’s the big deal..There always will be another dinner, get together...why should I make the other person guilty of his/her situation coz of which they aren’t able to make it.
I get this all the time, the industry that you are in; you should be seen and heard. Well, I prefer being seen and heard at the right places at the right time. Just coz I don’t want to go for parties doesn’t make me ‘anti social’, ‘arrogant’ or ‘pricey.’
I could have moods to. Sometimes happy, sometimes low, sometimes just want to be left alone! The pressure in which we lead our daily lives is inexplicable. Only people who are struggling to get there would probably understand it. The rest can continue making mockery or name calling. I couldn’t care less.
Sometimes I do wish that people would judge you by what you are capable of doing than where you are capable of going. All I hear is, “Oh wow! She was at this super star’s house for a party or oh wow! She’s dating that star/director”. Why not, “Oh wow! She acted well in that play/short film or looked good in that ad”?
Take another instance, the casting guy calls me one day and asks me to come for a meeting at a director’s office(who makes serials).He’d seen one of my auditions and liked it and wanted me to do a character in his serial. Till I reached his office my casting director hadn’t told me whether this was for a film or TV. I was already irritated coz I didn’t know what was I being called for! Since these were my beginner days I couldn’t even put my foot down and say I won’t come till you tell me. When I reached the office, the director who sat in his chair lounging stared at me from top to bottom and said, height thodi kam hai- I retorted saying there are many short actresses and I’m sure you’ve liked my acting which’s why I’m called here. He laughed and said “Chal chal , jaldi jake papers sign kar!” And signalled me to go out. I looked at my casting guy blankly and went out. He followed me and said serial ka lead hai- I lost it and retorted I’d already told him I wasn’t looking at TV at the moment. Besides, I disliked the attitude the man had and the way he spoke to me. Fine, I’m in the industry to work but I’m not anybody’s slave! I wouldn’t obey to orders which ask me to be shoo-ed out or trailed in at people’s whims and fancies. The casting guy and I had a fall out for obvious reasons and I stuck to my stand that I wouldn’t do this serial but would go ahead with my short film which wasn’t paying me anything but would’ve given me the exposure I wanted.
The casting guy sent me 1 or 2 nasty messages after that and I sent him just 1 message “ You don’t own me- you can’t make me or break me” And I truly believe that if God wants you to be something nothing or no one can stop it. So, fear none and do what your heart tells you. Don’t become a property of anyone (lest u wish to, and feel that it could take you somewhere) I’ve never felt the need. I strongly believe if I make it all good, if not I’m sure God has a better plan for me!
So for all the people who walk in and out of my life, trying to be my friends (for their own ulterior motive) don’t try too hard. Chances are you’ll fail in getting your motives. Spend that time and energy on other women who’ll give in to your vagary not me!
I would never want to be owned or exterminated at the expense of your moods! This doesn’t mean I don’t want to be belonged. I have my family and friends and I’m there for them whenever they call out for me. They are there for me when I want them or need them. We know it, we understand each other and that’s what matters at the end of the day.
I have my moods to attend to first and they raise hell every once in a while. When and if I’d wish to be owned would be known to that 1 single person. For the moment I’m a free soul, refusing to be caged, refusing to be anyone’s pet and refusing to let other’s treat me in the ways they desire!
Hate me if you wish, for having a mind of my own!
Have been noticing some abhorrent trends for the same.
Take for instance, a new friend you make. They ask you to meet them for coffee or generally when you already have plans or you are preoccupied or plain-you are just not in the mood. You tell them so and are slapped back with “stop behaving so pricey” hello?? I could have my own plans or I could be busy or not in the mood for it....that doesn’t really make me pricey. Surprisingly my friends from the bank or other industries understand these but from our industry- Ah! I better watch my back.... Then you are invited last minute for a party or a dinner and you have your friends over and you can’t make it...that makes you an excusist...(that’s what I was termed) and I ended up having one of the worst arguments with that fellow.
I mean how dare you have the guts to call me names or anything else just coz I’m unable to make it for “your” social dos. You don’t own me...nor are you my boy friend to expect me to be present where ever you want me to be! You could be at an eminent position where u r working but that doesn’t give you the authority to own me. Nobody can own me coz I don’t want to own anybody too!
When I invite people for dinners at my house, I don’t hold a grudge against them if they can’t make it. Nor do I get nasty coaxing them to come. You invite, call once again at the most and follow up. If the person can’t make it – alright..what’s the big deal..There always will be another dinner, get together...why should I make the other person guilty of his/her situation coz of which they aren’t able to make it.
I get this all the time, the industry that you are in; you should be seen and heard. Well, I prefer being seen and heard at the right places at the right time. Just coz I don’t want to go for parties doesn’t make me ‘anti social’, ‘arrogant’ or ‘pricey.’
I could have moods to. Sometimes happy, sometimes low, sometimes just want to be left alone! The pressure in which we lead our daily lives is inexplicable. Only people who are struggling to get there would probably understand it. The rest can continue making mockery or name calling. I couldn’t care less.
Sometimes I do wish that people would judge you by what you are capable of doing than where you are capable of going. All I hear is, “Oh wow! She was at this super star’s house for a party or oh wow! She’s dating that star/director”. Why not, “Oh wow! She acted well in that play/short film or looked good in that ad”?
Take another instance, the casting guy calls me one day and asks me to come for a meeting at a director’s office(who makes serials).He’d seen one of my auditions and liked it and wanted me to do a character in his serial. Till I reached his office my casting director hadn’t told me whether this was for a film or TV. I was already irritated coz I didn’t know what was I being called for! Since these were my beginner days I couldn’t even put my foot down and say I won’t come till you tell me. When I reached the office, the director who sat in his chair lounging stared at me from top to bottom and said, height thodi kam hai- I retorted saying there are many short actresses and I’m sure you’ve liked my acting which’s why I’m called here. He laughed and said “Chal chal , jaldi jake papers sign kar!” And signalled me to go out. I looked at my casting guy blankly and went out. He followed me and said serial ka lead hai- I lost it and retorted I’d already told him I wasn’t looking at TV at the moment. Besides, I disliked the attitude the man had and the way he spoke to me. Fine, I’m in the industry to work but I’m not anybody’s slave! I wouldn’t obey to orders which ask me to be shoo-ed out or trailed in at people’s whims and fancies. The casting guy and I had a fall out for obvious reasons and I stuck to my stand that I wouldn’t do this serial but would go ahead with my short film which wasn’t paying me anything but would’ve given me the exposure I wanted.
The casting guy sent me 1 or 2 nasty messages after that and I sent him just 1 message “ You don’t own me- you can’t make me or break me” And I truly believe that if God wants you to be something nothing or no one can stop it. So, fear none and do what your heart tells you. Don’t become a property of anyone (lest u wish to, and feel that it could take you somewhere) I’ve never felt the need. I strongly believe if I make it all good, if not I’m sure God has a better plan for me!
So for all the people who walk in and out of my life, trying to be my friends (for their own ulterior motive) don’t try too hard. Chances are you’ll fail in getting your motives. Spend that time and energy on other women who’ll give in to your vagary not me!
I would never want to be owned or exterminated at the expense of your moods! This doesn’t mean I don’t want to be belonged. I have my family and friends and I’m there for them whenever they call out for me. They are there for me when I want them or need them. We know it, we understand each other and that’s what matters at the end of the day.
I have my moods to attend to first and they raise hell every once in a while. When and if I’d wish to be owned would be known to that 1 single person. For the moment I’m a free soul, refusing to be caged, refusing to be anyone’s pet and refusing to let other’s treat me in the ways they desire!
Hate me if you wish, for having a mind of my own!
Hey, I so totally agree with u. And I completely empathize with your experiences. Sweet of you to introspect and put things up on this blog.
ReplyDeleteIt is bloody tough being an actor as it is. To put your emotions out for the world to see. Then to be treated like this is just plain sad.
I've had my fair share of this shit as a writer till I now have earned my stripes and so hearing the work I've done most people seem to automatically have a certain degree of respect. Not done much but enough I guess, in my own small way.
Anyway....do keep writing your innermost thoughts and feelings and putting them out. Writing them will help you act. How? Well you'll be able to listen to your inner emotional voice and feelings and pain much louder the more you write. like the more Sachin Tendulkar practices batting the better he can see the fastest balls. it's almost as if to him in some magical way, the ball slows down. But for other batsmen who don't practice, the ball comes too fast :)
I absolutely agree Aditya. Writing sure does connect me to the innermost thoughts and hence I'm able to pour my heart out(well most of it ;-))
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